P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.