I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.