You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
Mitch HedbergI mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away
Mitch HedbergI like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Mitch HedbergThat would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, It's cool, he's with me.
Mitch Hedberg