I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
Mitch HedbergI wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.
Mitch HedbergI went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."
Mitch HedbergI was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"
Mitch Hedberg