The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.