I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.