I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. "Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop"!

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

Every picture of you is when you were younger.