Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.