I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.