I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, "Screw it. Cut 'em up!"

I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.