I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.