I play the guitar. I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.

I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I have to communicate with my dad using numbers.

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. "Sir, you forgot this." "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.