I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?

If you boat a lot, you're known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't want to ever be referred to as a 'boating enthusiast'. I hope they call me 'a guy who likes to boat'.

I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.