I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.