I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.