I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. "Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop"!

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.