My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.

I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.