I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."

I went to a heavy metal concert. The singer yelled out, "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" And then he said, "How many of you feel like animals?" The thing is, everyone cheered after the animals part, but I cheered after the human beings part because I did not know there was a second part to the question.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.