I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."