I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

You know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.