I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.