I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.