This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did, and it was a load off of my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers, but I didn't know what they were!

We don't have to fix anything.

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.