I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

The customer’s always right.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"