I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

Earlier I`ve done hatever I could get my hands on to do for a living. I tried a couple of different things, but kitchen work was the best for me, because I took to a nomadic lifestyle before I started doing comedy. If you travel and get to a town and need a job, restaurants are always there.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.