I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.

I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"

Why are there no "during" pictures?

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.