I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.