I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Then let's print up some flyers!

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'