They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!"

I saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack. That price messes with your head. You start thinking you're gonna sell soda pop. Suddenly I've got packs of pop with me. "Looking to buy some pop? 50 cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half-assed commitment!"

I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!

I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.