You got to always take advantage of getting your room cleaned. You may think it's nice not to have anybody in your room, like your privacy's not being invaded. But there's nothing like walking back into a clean room. You've got to remember that.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. "Sir, you forgot this." "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.