Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"

I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."