I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.