I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away - "Knock knock - Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."