One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.

Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.