At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.