I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Earlier I`ve done hatever I could get my hands on to do for a living. I tried a couple of different things, but kitchen work was the best for me, because I took to a nomadic lifestyle before I started doing comedy. If you travel and get to a town and need a job, restaurants are always there.