A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.