No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.

I play the guitar. I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"