I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"