There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.