There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons.