I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"

I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say Go around I cannot open the wall I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.