I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"

Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.