I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira.

I love the challenge of taking something that may be boring to a lot of people but is unarguably important. It's irresistible. I always take projects that I'm paid to learns stuff. I study much harder now than I did when I was in college.

My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

As the great philosopher George Santayana would have said, 'those who cannot remember the past . . . should simply read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe and Tyler Too.' Van Meter's greatest hits collection of slogans is the catchiest ever retelling of American history. It's like the greatest minds of Madison Avenue sat down to write a history book. They don't make sound bites like they used to!

While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk.

Homemade sweaters are always itchy.