Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.