Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'