The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.

Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.