I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple

There's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling.

I don't like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages have involved children, so I'm really a family man as well.

I never write a play with an eye to film.

A lot of your personality is formed before you're 12, obviously, but only a few of my plays use characters from my childhood. The more mature plays are affected only by my adult experiences.