To take a gloomy view of life is not part of my philosophy; to laugh at the idiocies of my fellow creatures is. However, at this particular moment I cannot find so much to laugh at as I would like.
Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.
It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own.
I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
Everybody worships me, it's nauseating.
Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.