It's very difficult once you've been on telly because people know what you do. They give you a little bit of grace but then they're harsher if you're not funny, so you have to be funny.

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.

I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!

When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!

I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.