Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.

Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.

I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.