You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.

My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

In comedy, you see yourself as a newcomer and then you realize you've been doing it for 18, 20 years, which is ridiculous.

I find it depressing that people think you have to be on drugs to watch [my stuff], that’s a cop out, use your brain, use your imagination.