You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.

Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.

When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

In comedy, you see yourself as a newcomer and then you realize you've been doing it for 18, 20 years, which is ridiculous.

I'm a mischievous drunk.

That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.