All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

When I was three or four, I was really good at drawing and painting, and everyone used to say, "You're going to go to art college." I didn't really know what that meant.

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

It's very difficult once you've been on telly because people know what you do. They give you a little bit of grace but then they're harsher if you're not funny, so you have to be funny.

When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.