Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.