Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.