It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?'

I've been in theaters. Like Brian Regan, who I love - loved him so much more when he did the Improvs. And then in a big theater - nobody's that good.