They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.

If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.