They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

The character of giving advice often makes us accountable for the conduct of those we advise.

Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity; but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.

Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.