Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.